To Wait

To Wait

(...)

And my heart is frozen blue, hanging by a moment. Holding onto the moment when I won’t wait anymore. But maybe then I will want to wait again, and again, and yet again... One day, in some distant blurry future I will miss this grudging demon that I've welcomed into myself and laid down to sleep in my chest.

At times, the unknown dark ahead falls upon my loving heart and I find myself throwing my dreams at it, like weaponry. They shine with light and will. But sometimes they flicker, and when they do I get scared, like a little child. Because of that, the dark crawled up my skin and placed itself where my love shines. Must be why it gets so heavy at times.

To Wait is a constant, everlasting fight. My head against my heart, against my soul, against my body. My doubt against my love, against my dreams, against my needs.

Seconds go by, ever so slowly. I’ve counted endless numbers and then I’ve distracted myself and lost the count. So I started over, not knowing when I will stop, or if I’ll ever stop. So I dream of the day when I will. Always needing, always wanting.

I wish and crave, with the deepest meanings of my existence, for this constant, wild, alcoholic thirst to be sated, just once.

So, in this unending sea full of seconds I’m lying on, I fill a glass full of dreams.

And I drink.

(...)


Text/Painting "To Wait"- Sara F.