An apology for Sara.

Oh my, oh my...It's been all fun and games around here.
I guess I must have some voodoo on me. Broke my precious left hand. =O Oh well, life goes on. I guess I still have one left.


So I was wondering about what the hell I was going to write about today. Last post was an apology for the Heart. Maybe this time it should be one for myself. I don't mean to apologize, but to explain...shed some lights on me, for those who've had the (pleasant or awful) chance to meet me.


I believe that life is like a river. A river of energy. I believe that some things stop the flow and others allow the water to run free. This river has many, many cycles, but it is a cycle itself. Everything is born, lives and dies. Many rivers are my neighbours, many run across mine, someday...few join me for a little while...Some remain for years. Some began their journey in places so far away, only to join me along the years.
None of this changes their importance to me.


I believe in freedom. It helps me move forward and flow. For me, true love frees you.


I believe in choice. Nothing feels worse than someone who apparently gives me choice but yells at me if I choose the wrong answer.


I don't believe in black and white. I don't understand the " Or it is, or it isn't." For me, it's all about grey.


I believe in privacy. Therefore, I loathe questions. I'll tell you if I want to. If you love me, you won't give a damn about this. I bet you have your issues too.


I believe that beliefs should be few and theorical questions should be many, for how can such tiny beings perceive anything concerning life? I believe that these beliefs remain open to discussion.


I believe that love knows no distance, for it is more complex than flesh.


I believe that love does not disappear, for it is untouchable. Maybe change form, be clouded by angry fog, but not disappear. Yet, the rivers part their ways and life goes on. At times, when love stops our flow of energy, the love we have for ourselves has to come first.


Now...Some believe I'm wicked and others believe the same just because they've heard of it. Don't laugh. This happens more often than you think. Maybe you've done it with me yourself sometime, if you think hard.


Some believe I'm heartless. And I fully understand, even though I do not agree. The temptation to perceive someone who hurt us as heartless is too big. I secretly hope they'll change their mind, but I leave it to destiny to prove things, not to me. If I wanted to work with evidence and proof, I'd try and be a lawyer.


Some believe I'm super smart. I'm not being modest when I say that I only have a good memory. I can be quite dumb at times.


Some think I'm stupid to think no one is purely evil. I'm surely proud of it. All I see is youth, fear, illness and mistakes. We all have a "reason why".


Some think I'm cold and untouchable. That is because:
a) you're touching the wrong part
b) you haven't even tried


Some think I'm uncapable of love(universal love, not the sereotype...). That is because:
a) you want a different kind of love than what I have to offer.
b) dunno...you just don't like me
c) I do love you, but you're too busy thinking I'm a bitch.


Some hate that I'm quiet, snobbish and that I couldn't care less about the latest tv show.
Don't waste your time on me then, for heaven's sake!


Some think I'm rude. Great, one less person I have to cope with. I keep getting comments on how I should be more tactful and nice. Well...if you want a tactful nice friend, go find one. I'll improve myself when life makes me realise that I have to.
But if you're in trouble, I'll be the one showing up. Your nice friend is watching tv.


I'm scared of fights and of disappointment in someone else's eyes. That is among the hardest things I've ever had to do. If not the hardest.


I believe that I make mistakes when I'm scared or when my freedom is at stake. I know that I could be so much better at times...but so could you.


I don't know what all of this makes me. But it doesn't matter, anyway. Every single one of you will read this text and imagine my voice in your head: and in every single mind, I'll be saying something completely different.


Isn't life the most wonderful thing?

An apology for the Heart

I fear that I haven't been clear on my last post.
Some of you may have thought that I was defending the clear and logical Reason when I said: "How do we not fall when blindfolded?". But I was not. It is quite normal that, as heirs to the Humanists, we give Reason a very big and powerful name.
I have been told once that there are many parts of us. Many voices in our heads. As I've said before, we tend to split them in only two: Reason and Sentiment. Everyone has heard about these two eternal enemies, right?
So, we've learnt to asociate Reason with clear-headedness, judgement and even good mental health. On the other side Emotion walks hand-in-hand with wildness, unstability and madness.
And this is all we see.
How many times have we denied ourselves something good and refreshing because it didn't make any sense? And that is what my text was about. It was about the relativity of every voice in our heads, that leaves us without a clue of which one is right, and in defense of  the equilibrated consideration to be given to either Sentiment or Reason. Equal. (Since we are deeply used to dualities, it'll be easier to understand).


Now, my text was that of a person who knows that the Heart is right, but is afraid that this feeling is nothing but Innocence. And what do I mean by Heart?
What I'm speaking of is not just another voice, but what we know, deep down to be true. And because of these many voices, (Reason, Sentiment and Fear can be considered such, depending on the situation) what we know in our very soul to be right, is clouded and buried...difficult to see. But it is always there.
At times we feel negative. Negativity is clouding the Heart.
False hope does it, Fear does it, Attraction does it, Reason does it, Comfort does it.
But the Heart always knows.
And so I repeat: "...I can't help it. My heart wears a secret smile made of silence."

Reason

Sometimes Reason defies all that I feel.
What to do when the heart is deaf to every piece of advice and logic?
Who knows best: The heart or the brain?
What to say when our fate lies in uncertain ways?
Then, how do we not fall when blindfolded?
What do do when words turn our dreams into dust?
Is it destiny? Or is it longing?

Life is but a neverending well of questions.
I could go on and on, but Reason tells me to shut up and be normal.

Oh...I can't help it. My heart wears a secret smile made of silence.

We'll see...

All-The-Kings

There's always someone who knows just what to say.

Isn't there?

You don't need to think too hard.

There's always someone who won't let you fall.

There's always someone who knows all your reasons-why.

Always there but never summoned.

Never need to ask for it, never need to say a word.

No breath, no sound, pieces fit, stars rejoice

And then you could swear angels are made of flesh.

*



"True work feeds the soul, it doesn’t feed off it."

Sara F.